To Live For
by EternalStarfire
Summary: ON HOLD. In the middle of The Great War, Hermione finds herself torn between what is right and what she lives for. Draco must choose what is worth living for; his love for Hermione or his very life.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:** I don't own HP, nor am I Amy Lee. Song is "All That I'm Living For" by Evanescence.

**Hermione **

All that I'm living for,  
All that I'm dying for,  
All that I can't ignore alone at night.

I can feel the night beginning.  
Separate me from the living.  
Understanding me,  
After all I've seen.  
Piecing every thought together,  
Find the words to make me better.  
If I only knew how to pull myself apart.

All that I'm living for,  
All that I'm dying for,  
All that I can't ignore alone at night.  
All that I'm wanted for,  
Although I wanted more.  
Lock the last open door; my ghosts are gaining on me.

I believe that dreams are sacred.  
Take my darkest fears and play them  
Like a lullaby,  
Like a reason why,  
Like a play of my obsessions,  
Make me understand the lesson,  
So I'll find myself,  
So I won't be lost again.

All that I'm living for,  
All that I'm dying for,  
All that I can't ignore alone at night.  
All that I'm wanted for,  
Although I wanted more.  
Lock the last open door, my ghosts are gaining on me.

Guess I thought I'd have to change the world to make you see me,  
To be the one.  
I could have run forever,  
But how far would I have come  
Without mourning your love?

All that I'm living for,  
All that I'm dying for,  
All that I can't ignore alone at night.  
All that I'm wanted for,  
Although I wanted more.  
Lock the last open door; my ghosts are gaining on me.

Should it hurt to love you?  
Should I feel like I do?  
Should I lock the last open door,  
My ghosts are gaining on me.

Hermione ran down the stone steps of the tower, and out on to the front lawn. As soon as she escaped the gate, she apparated. Landing in a great field, she lit her wand in the dimming light. _Where is he_, she asked herself over and over as she stepped over body after body. She studied every face, every body. He wasn't there, so she ran further ahead. She didn't dare scream his name, didn't dare use her wand to search for him. She knew she'd be found if she did. But he didn't turn up. She pulled her wild curly hair back into a pony tail and pulled up her sleeves.

Hermione hated him, everything about him, every little ounce of him, from the top of his striking blonde head down to the tip of his toes. He was a constant threat to her life, to her family, to Harry and Ron. And yet, there was a part of her that loved him. Loved the way he would say her name when they were alone, the feel of his fingertips along her back, his lips on hers. He was, in a word, perfect for her, book smart, yet very conscious of the world around him, and loving, very loving. That was, until they were in public, of course. Where she was the Mudblood and he was the Pureblooded Prince, and even in the moments between them when they would slyly steal a touch even as they threatened and insulted each other in front of their friends, soon after, they would meet in a hidden alcove, and everything would be fine.

She fought him every day, and yet she fought for him harder. In the wake of battle, she would think of why she was really on the side of good. Both of them wanted the war to be over, neither wanted to choose sides, and both feared for the other's life. But they also knew it would be a long time before it would be safe for them to be together openly. The world just wouldn't accept them in its present state.

So as she stepped through the woods in search for the rest of the force, she stopped, her ears training her to the left. Someone else was picking through the woods, stepping carefully around the dead bodies strewn everywhere. Their light steps almost…sounded like him, but he shouldn't still be here. She thought to herself rationally, _he must be miles away by now, somewhere safe, I hope_. Hermione took a look around, and threw herself behind a tree, attempting to hide. With a cloaking spell, she felt she was safe, and saw absolutely nothing coming towards her. She waited, hesitated, and minutes later, let the spell die and ventured out. She screamed, and someone's white hand covered her mouth.

Automatically, she kicked out with her feet and elbowed her assailant. They only held her tighter. "Gods, woman, would you quit it?!" Hermione gasped as he chuckled lightly and his hand left her mouth.

"Draco!" He wheeled her around and looked at her hard. His hands rubbed her sides and when she winced at the touch of a bruise she had forgotten, he frowned.

"You're hurt," he tore at the cloth of her shirt. Hermione brushed his hands away.

"Nonsense, it's a bruise. I'm alright. How are you?"

"Better then expected. They'll be returning soon. You should get your friends and get out of here."

"What about you? What are you going to do?"

"What I always do," he sighed. "Go back." He reached down to her chin, lifted it to his lips, and kissed her lightly. "I wish I could go with you."

"Then come with me! We can protect you! They'll think you died!"

"Hermione, really, they aren't stupid. Especially V…well, you know! He'd know, and then he'd come for me, for revenge. And I can't have that," he embraced her again, kissed her forehead and backed away a bit. "You have to get out of here, now."

"No. I'm not leaving!"

"Yes, you are." He didn't even shout it. He simply stated it as a fact, a fact she knew better than to fight. She kissed him once, and after staring into his slate grey eyes, she apparated, tears falling down her face.

She returned to Hogwarts, to find Harry supporting a wounded Ron, and Ginny leading Luna and Neville to the rest of the group. Breathing a sigh of relief, she ran to Harry's side, helping him with Ron, who smiled when he saw her. "You made it," he said quietly.

"Yes, I did." Quickly, she wiped away the tears on her cheeks and smoothed her expression. Harry looked at her for a moment, questions filling his eyes, but then his concern moved back to Ron. "What happened?"

"Ron attacked a much bigger Death Eater. He's lucky this is all that happened to him. He dodged a rather nasty spell and fell into a crevice."

"But I used a cushioning spell…not very well…but I did, and I just broke a few bones." Ron tried to hide his winces, but Hermione merely shook her head. She looked at Harry as Ginny and Molly took Ron with them into the house.

"How many is a few?"

"Oh, well, only about ten. He'll be all right, of course." Harry fixed the ground with a sad stare, and sighed. "I was so close, Hermione, so close. He was within my grasp," Harry tugged on his hair a little as they sat down on the Burrow's front steps. "I couldn't do it, even though I could have ended this whole war tonight, I couldn't do it. It's probably my fault so many people died tonight."

"What are you talking about Harry? You did your best! Everyone here knows it. No one could ever blame you, you're only eighteen! I mean, yes, Voldemort was close enough for you to attack him, but who said you had to off him by yourself? Why didn't you ask me to help?"

"You were fighting Malfoy off, that's why. If I distracted you, one of his enraged Avada Kedavras would have actually hit you. Besides, Hermione, this is my job. I promised Dumbledore when he died that I would do this, that I would be the one to end him. We found all the Horcruxes, but it just isn't that simple. Even without them, he's too powerful for me. I just have to get better, and in the meantime, more people will die."

"Harry, I know I've said this before, and I'm going to say it again. People die everyday, on both sides, and in between. But people die everyday of natural causes too, and there's nothing you can do about it. One day, we all have to choose between dying as a coward, safe at home in our beds, or on the battlefield, fighting for what we believe in. I for one choose the latter. I choose to fight alongside you, Harry, and so does everyone else here. You have to accept that."

"You're probably right."

"Harry," Ginny called from the house, "Mum wants to see you."

"Alright, Gin, I'm coming," Harry smiled appreciatively at Hermione. "Thanks a lot, Hermione. I guess I'll have to sleep on what you said. Are you sure you won't stay tonight? Molly would love to have you, and I know we'd all feel better if you didn't go…home."

"I'm sure I'm safer at home. Besides, you can't keep everyone in the Burrow and at your house. There isn't room. I'm able to protect myself, just like I have for several years now."

"Alright. Good night, Hermione, he hugged her as they stood up.

"Good night, Harry," she replied, hugging him back.

As soon as he was in the house, Hermione frowned. She wasn't going to be home alone tonight, no, she never was.

**Attn:** Review please, and I will post another chapter.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: **Don't own, don't care. So, out of the 50 people who read this, only _one_, count it, _one_, person reviewed. C'mon people, just click the button and write "I like it," "I hate it," "You suck," "You're awesome," it's not hard. To that person, I'm glad you like it. Cheers!

Previously: (_As soon as he was in the house, Hermione frowned. She wasn't going to be home alone tonight, no, she never was. )_

**Draco**

As he stared at the place where Hermione had been seconds before, Draco hardened his face. He wouldnt want to look weak when he met with the others. He usually hated the stupid meetings, as all they did was kill a few useless Muggles or some witch or wizard that looked as though they sympathized with the Order, but tonight was different. They were losing the war, and would be called upon to double their tactics, dealing an even more devastating blow. On top of that, they were running out of time, as more and more Death Eaters and dark followers were captured or killed, and they just didnt have the time to train anymore new recruits...as if there _were_ any.

Soon, he could see what was left of their force stumbling through over as they Apparated to the field. They were all injured, down to the last, most trained member, Draco's own father, Luscious. Luscious led the group to the center of the feild, and Draco came from the shadows. He wiped away the blood Hermione had left on his robes, and smiled cruelly. His eyes almost danced with a certain fire that only a neglected son could have."We didnt win did we."

Luscious' lip curled. If Draco hadnt been promoted (heracy in his opinion), he would have talked back as cruelly as he could. Instead, he bowed to his only son, and grimaced. "No, we did not. But we did make some good attacks." Draco nodded. His eyes met with Snape, who cocked his head a little to the left, and Draco nodded ever so slightly. So most of the Order had survived without a scratch.

"From the looks of you, you _recieved_ some good attacks. He will not be happy." He shook his head dissaprovingly. "It has been my orders for one of you to pay for this mistake. It is not tolerated and one of you is the weekest link. You are to choose amongst yourselves," he looked at Luscious, feeling such hatred for the man responsible for his path into darkness, that he almost considered choosing him as the weak one, just to rid himself of him," who is to be killed. Luscious, you are to make sure this is done and report to the Dark Lord with a full report." He could see the fear in the men's eyes, and turned away.

Sighing, he headed through the forest to a small clearing, a place where he could simply Dissapparate. He wasnt going to stay for this. He could already hear the shouts and chaos that had begun, and his heart clenched.

You see, Draco Malfoy was never an evil man, though he hadnt enjoyed his childhood and had always been a cold, studious person, he'd never intended to fall like is father. But he hadnt been able to avoid the demands of the father he once feared, who now feared him. He didnt want people to die, and secretly, he hated how skillful a dark wizard he's become. What he wanted was power,the ability to control people, and he had been given the chance. The next step now was to rid the world of Death Eaters and Voldemort, and the more skilled and trained he became, the more powerful and dangerous he became. Quickly, he was becoming one of the most feared men in the Wizarding World, and even so, he wished it would end, this stupid war, so he could take and possess the one thing he'd always coveted. Hermione had been the one thing he'd been trying to survive for so long, and it had sickened him to watch her pine over the blind Weasely, until one day, he'd simply complimented her in Potions class and the next thing he knew he was feeling her up in a broom closet.

Somehow, it had grown from attraction and lust to what he honestly called love. And to her was where he was going to night. He knew she'd find a way to get home, so he would be able to at least spend the night with her before he would have to disapear for who knows how long. So he Apparated to her neighborhood and went to her house on foot, whispered the password and came straight in through the door. He looked in the kitchen to see tea on the stove and followed a trail of her clothes to the bathroom, where he heard water running.

"Hermione," he called softly, as he looked in the door to find the tub filling but empty of her.

"Bedroom, "she replied, poking her curly head in the door. He smiled slightly. Her hair was a mass of disheveled corkscrews, he skin flushed from the heat of the bath, and her expression pensieve; the way he loved to see her. He sighed, and walked in the room. He reached her and collapsed to his knees. Her hands immediatly flew to his shoulders and she ran a nervous hand through his silver hair.

"I condemned another man to death tonight," he barely whispered. His hands were shaking where he held her at her sides. He pressed his forehead to her stomach. "I dont know how much longer I can do this."

"I wish you'd just leave, as I said before. This is worse than I thought it would be. Power is dangerous even in the best of hands, Draco, and you crave it. It is destroying you inside and out. What has happened to you?"

"I...I DONT KNOW! But this is just pushing me over the edge. I can hardly handle this anymore." His stood up suddenly, towering over her, and grabbed her shoulders roughly. "I never wanted it to be like this, Mione, _never._" She shivered in his grasp and a tear grew in his grey eyes. "You're afraid of me." He looked at his hands on her small shoulders, made a disgusted face and let go. "You think I'm dangerous."

"Well of course you are. Youre turning into HIM. If you carry on like this, you'll be the end of us all." She took a step back towards her wand. "I should turn you in. They've been looking for you for months now. You could be the missing piece towards peace."

"No. You...you wouldnt dare." He took a step towards her, his wand at his side. He loathed the idea of using it against her, to hurt her he'd have to hurt himself, and she was the one person he could _never_ attack. She was a brilliant witch, but she stood no chance against him.

"I would too. If it would stop this war that youve begun to direct. Without you, he has nothing to work with, no one to direct his cronies, no one dangerous enough to keep there evil in check. It would all go to hell on him and we could win." Her wand was raising as she spoke, and Draco narrowed his eyes.

"You think you could get me, do you? I'm sorry love, but you dont stand a chance." He flicked his wand before she could react and she lay wandless on the floor, small, thin ropes wrapping around her body. Her eyes were widened in shock and pain, and he almost looked away. "I love you too much to let you get hurt in this. You'll be safe where I'm taking you and I will deliver a letter to the Potters telling them you've gone on a small assignment of your own. I'm not going to prison and I'm not losing you. I refuse to."

Draco grimaced, his grey eyes bearing a pained expression, and picked her up in his arms and Apparated from the house. He knew she would be searched for, but it might just serve as a good distraction for the Light. Maybe they would actually win this next battle.

**Attn:** hope you liked it. It's a tad dark, but it will just get darker.


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